What I’ve learned preparing for and returning to Houston...
1. I had lost perspective on the gains Luke has made.
There is something about having him in this same hotel room, the airplane, the hospital waiting room. There is something about those places that qualify his growth in ways that Home could not. The furniture in the hotel room was all 'safe enough' to stay in the original place. We don't have to pad the floors. We don't have to put a towel down in restaurants to protect Luke's head. The nurses ask questions like, Now, can he still not use his hands? or Does he still fall all the time and bump into things? or How is his eye contact?
This place forces me to zoom out and in doing that brings me to this...
2. I, come to find out, may be a mess.
To be continued on that one. I have tried to write a few times, but, whew, I think I need a bottle of wine and my girlfriends before I am ready to even try.
3. This place makes me brave enough to be scared.
It forces me to confess that I would actually like to know if he will ever talk. It makes me say out loud that there is a twitch that he is doing that makes me nervous. It makes me ask what the future miiiiggght look like. But I know that being scared doesn't mean that you aren't brave and it also doesn't mean that you lack faith.
Tomorrow we will ask the hard questions. We may get tough answers. Even tougher is the possibility that we may not get any answers at all.
The uncertainty of TSC is nothing special. Everyday we all wake up and have no idea what the world has in store. There is discomfort in this but anytime discomfort there is growth. Once we push through that muddled mess, our faith and love is what remains and courage stands by our side.
Mother of two amazing little boys, one who just happens to be a TS warrior.