Be still...

We ran hard for days.
That's my element. I've told you before.
Go. Do. Push. Fight.
It's when it's over that I don't know what to do with myself. They told us that we are supposed to rest. That we are supposed to "take it easy". We are supposed to chill...
Strangely enough, this is the part where I find my discomfort. This is where I run out of things to do, so instead I must feel.
This is where reality catches up with me and emotions sneak in. This is where I am faced with it all... fear and relief and gratitude and anger and lonliness and happiness and exhaustion and love. This is when my heart is so full it starts to leak out of my eyes.

I want to run from it, but I have been told you can't run forever. Sooner or later you have to feel something.

Be Still, I am told.
So I am.

I feel it all today as we walk out of the hospital.
I am tempted to ask housekeeping if she needs help vacuuming in the lobby or maybe I can start packing and re packing our bags, but I stop myself.

Be still.

Luke just had brain surgery.
Twice.
Yeah, that happened.

I miss Sam and feel guilty for being away from him and for the sacrifices he must make.
I know, I know, but you would, too. So just let me.

Luke has been seizure free for two days.
This is the longest he has gone in two and a half years.

I'm just going to sit here with that for a while... as much as I want to rotate laundry...
I'm just going to sit.